Rode Hard and Ridden Long

Do you ever have one of those days where you just can�t get it together? My whole life has become that. I am so out of sorts, I don�t even know where to begin.

I love Shey and I love spending the day with him, but trying to work and entertain an increasingly active 4 month old is really taxing. And now, my daycare says they can�t fit him in until mid-May. I�m trying to find someone to come to the house and watch him because I think I�ve pushed my job and myself as far as I can with bringing him here. Plus, I know this sounds selfish, but I would really like to have my lunches free again. I want to start working out, and my boss has agreed to let me skip lunch two days a week so that I can leave early, but I can�t take Shey on the treadmill with me and the gym we are signing up at doesn�t have a daycare. I�ve got to do something though to calm my mind, or I�m going to lose it.

Peyton�s a whole other story. He�s in this lovely �I�m going to try something I don�t want to do myself once and if I can�t get it, I�m going to whine and throw a fit, but if it�s something I want to do and you try to help me, I�m going to whine and throw a fit� phase. That coupled with �I want to be in your face every single second of every single day making really annoying questions and repeating the same thing over and over and over and over again� phase is going to drive me straight to the insane asylum. I love him, I really do, but if someone offered to take him until he turned 20, I might seriously think about it.

Adding to all this, my birthday is Monday and Larry mentioned having some friends over, which I agreed to. Some friends has turned into 25 people. I know this isn�t a huge amount, but it�s still stressing me out. The house has to be cleaned, the yard mowed, food ordered, blah, blah, blah. Because you know that�s how I want to spend my birthday, cleaning and stressing over a stupid party including a ton of people that I really don�t feel like entertaining. I�d rather take the money we�re going to spend on this thing and buy some new clothes or a weekend away . . . by myself.

Stick a fork in me, I�m done.